Though Passover and seders are now mere memories (hopefully not still with you if you had to survive through bad wine and ’sinker’ matzoh balls), I nevertheless wanted to share with you some thoughts that were passed to me by my good friend Dan Goldfield of Dutton-Goldfield winery in Sonoma. Good thinking as you prepare for next year! Here you go!

Wine Thoughts for Passover:

“In recognition of this inspiring season of Pesach I felt it fitting to search the ancient texts for modern contextual relevance. The context for which I searched clarification was that of tasting wine; with friends, clients and, heaven help us, for ratings. As in relating any soul touching endeavor, describing of wine needs to take into account the broad array of individual personalities and judgment; not to mention the spiritual complexity of giving a single number rating that has any broad meaning.

Clearly, the Passover Haggadah was a place to start to help unravel these conundrums. Sure enough the answers were there. Those of you who have participated in a Seder will recognize these truths. Those of you who haven’t, find a Jew and crash one.

Tradition describes how different tasters approach the wine. Some are very curious and ask lots of questions, but others, who may be just as curious, are just too blasted to form a question. Some are very eager to seriously consider the details of viticulture, winemaking and perception; others care only for their own ego and just want to know how they can impress their friends. In all, the Rabbis said, there are four types of wine tasters, and each needs to be handled in a different way.

The Wise Taster: The wise taster loves wine, he asks, “What are the vineyard sources of this wine, is the soil a loam or a clay, what is the incline of the slope, the aspect, fermentation techniques, time in barrel, and why?” This taster wants to think about the wine and its subtleties, enjoy the wine and understand the wine. For him we should answer his questions with patience and detail, and support the enjoyment and respect he already feels.

The Wicked Taster: The wicked taster asks, “What did Parker give this wine, what did it cost, and can I get a deal if I come to your tasting room and suck up to the winemaker?” He cares for what this wine can do for him in the eyes of others, not the interest and beauty it possesses on its own. To him, some Rabbis would say, “This wine is for me, not for you. Had you been at the winery, you would not have been given this bottle.” Other Rabbis have not yet figured out how to deal with the wicked taster, but are open to suggestions. For the time being they just take their money and send them on their way.

The Innocent Taster: This one is the favorite of the rabbis. The simple taster is naïve and innocent. He is interested, but shy and doesn’t know what to ask, merely saying, “Tell me about this.” In response we should gently tell of the love that went into the craft he is enjoying, and that he should trust his own judgment and pleasure.

The Taster to Wasted to Inquire: This taster no longer realizes something special is going on. They might be slightly drooling, pour themselves unreasonably large portions, and occasionally make irrelevant comments. For this taster the rabbis would emulate the good models of their teachers, and make fun of them amongst their friends while they’re sitting right there.

The biblical dissertation of taster types is hugely helpful in helping to describe wine, but to understand the ancient traditions with respect to rating wine took more study. I scoured the Kabala, which deals with numerology, in search of some answers but to no avail. Then, through in-depth study of a long lost Hassidic Hagaddah, based both on ancient Jewish tradition as well as eastern philosophy, the exposition was found. The scholars described the infiltration of wine perception into the sensual psyche. Some raters are enticed by subtlety and nuance. They enjoy the patient endeavor of watching a wine unfold, and love detail and complexity. Others love huge impact and powerful immediate impression. Overall, the rabbis say, there are two types of raters.

The Size Queen: Study shows that the first use of this term dates to that great biblical scholar John Waters, whose masterpiece, Pink Flamingos, is still being studied for its deepest meaning. This rater will ask, “Is it huge? Is it sweet? I want it now, I want it fast, I want it big. Have I mentioned big?”

The Patient Priestess: This taster has a love of subtlety, complexity and staying power. She loves the slow unfolding of the wine’s initially hidden attributes and the pleasures of nuance. She will ask, “Is this a wine I could drink all night?”

Hopefully, these traditional contributions to our modern pursuits will enrich life for us all. I look forward to studying the “Days of Repentance” this fall.”

And where does Elijah come in?